I know it is late in the day but I wanted to post this anyway. I had some energy when I woke up this morning so I have done some laundry and other cleaning. I have some work I have to do for my (?) job today then I plan to play games with the kids this evening. It will not get as bad tonight as it was last night. It can't.
Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with my priest. I am hopeful this will bring some peace and courage.
I know I am supposed to write in this blog as part of my therapy but still I wonder why I do it. it feels very exhibitionist. It does serve as a bit of a release valve. it is also helpful for me to get my thoughts out of my head. They are somehow easier to manipulate once they are not bouncing around in the confines of my skull. This, I suppose, is also a place where I have a modicum of control still. In so much of my life i feel like I am watching a movie of my life rather than living it. This blog is my creation entirely. And yet, I feel like I am somehow glorifying myself and this depression by putting it into words. When I started this blog it was both for therapeutic reasons and in hopes of making someone, somewhere not feel as alone I have. I feel less like that is a possibility and more like this is an experiment in egocentricity. Of course this whole situation feels like an exercise in egocentricity.
Anyway, tonight will be better. Because I command it. And I am that powerful.
God Bless all who read this.
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