I am beginning to feel human again. I would say I am feeling like myself except that I don't really know what that feels like anymore. It has been so many years since I was my old, sane self that I don't remember what it felt like. That really bothered me at first. Then I realized that this just means that I am at a crossroads in my life and I have the great gift of being able to reinvent myself hopefully leaving out as many flaws as possible.
God is where I am turning to find what to make of myself. I am trying to find a balance between the death to self He calls for and black whole of depression and self hatred I was in. You might think the two are totally unrelated but they are not in my messed up depressed mind. So I am working on that. I am a terrible prayer and I am working on that as well.
I am enjoying my family so much more than I was. I have even forgotten to take my PRN Ativan a couple of times and still enjoyed them. God is blessing me richly every day.
God Bless all who read this.
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