Even I can only cause myself so much pain in one sitting before it stops focusing my brain. So I am trying sort of the opposite. We are going to find out what alcohol does to me with all the psychotropics in my system. Don't worry, my kids are perfectly safe. I'm not getting drunk, I'm having one mixed drink. We've all had dinner and the kids are watching a movie. Hopefully it will fuzz my brain enough that I won't be sitting here researching drug toxicities anymore.
You know, I have several people I could call. They have all said I can call anytime when I am feeling this way. But I know what they will say. They will tell me to go get evaluated at the hospital. But I have been in the hospital 3 times. THREE times. I don't know why the meds keep wearing off. The part of me that wants to believe all this therapy and medication and work are worth it because I'm worth it is too embarrassed to admit I am in this hole. Again. Already. Most of me feels stupid for having spent all this time and trouble when everyone would be better off without me.
Well I am pretty warm now.
God Bless all you read this.
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